I'm too stoned for this. I'm Canadian.
Cleveland boys shit in their own pumpkins in their own living room. Got pictures to prove it.
Also, just saw a homeless man answer a phone call on a blackberry...
He said he had to make up a lie of why he couldnt sleep with her. It must really suck to have a sunburned dick.
Found crayons in my cigarette pack. I can't help but feel you may be responcible.
Remember the girl passed out in front of my fireplace?
I woke up in the closet and then I found my shirt in a bag of Doritos... how does that work out?
This is the minute she broke up with me. If you're receiving this mass text, you are one for the girls who made me promise to text you at this point.
I get a nose bleed and my uncle is automatically giving me the "your doing lines off dashboards again aren't you" look
He was respectful of both me and my One Direction calendar.
I'm full of champagne and rage, of course I'm showing up at his house.
Don't forget to make sex 3rd on your calander
She's so nice... She deserves all the dicks.
I'm like a hairless cat ready to be ravished
It was terrible. I am sore from head to toe, neither of us got off, and we were at it for an hour and a half, I faked having a heart episode so we could stop. It worked.
Randomize
