her lazy eye was starring daggers at me.
I just won Halloween Walk of Shame Bingo!
you just started pointing at the light and whispering "star wars"
I love my roommate; her alcohol problem, her proclivity for passing out on the living room couch, and her fucking awesome size d tits that can never remain clothed. Craigslist jackpot.
At beerfest, hammered, going to try to not get naked in public but i cant make any promises
Shes definitely an expert at this. Her happy hour goes from 4 to 11, then she starts drinking heavy. She also allots 15 minutes each hour for a pee/bj break
Just walked into McDonald's and a bunch of fat girls gave me a look like I just entered their territory.
The best revenge is living well. Or pooping in his sunroof. Either or
I'm semi drunk. I just bought you penis moisturizer. Not kidding. Keep an eye out for the package. Merry Christmas.
I may not be his cup of tea, but I bet I'm his 10th shot of tequila
We had to go. She called the bartender a thundercunt.
So do I get to ride the beginning of the November stache or what?
You just sent a mass text asking if anyone ever drank the blood of a goat in the glorious name of Satan...after that we confiscated any writing utensil
Hey. Did I get punched in the face last night?
Yeah. I told you I would and you didn't believe me.
I often wonder if we’re introverted extroverts, but I don’t think so. I think we’re just easily tired scumbags
Randomize
