Sometimes I wonder if my friend studies mystic Christian theology because he's afraid to come out of the closet. Evidently, it's okay to talk about God coming inside you, but not to say the same about dudes.
True Life: I puke at bars and try to catch it in my hand...then walk away like it didn't happen
I'm such a slut...i kept having sex with him after he called me his ex gf's name. I just felt like i deserved something out of it too.
Guess who's still drunk but on time to court to represent a DUI?
You are my hero
I can't believe I'm wasting this thong on a guy in a sweater vest.
I literally had to tap out of the blow job. It was like a pornographic wrestling match
the only good thing about him lasting five minutes was that nobody thinks i had sex with him or that im a slut because we were only in the bathroom for five minutes
you sat in the middle of your kitchen floor feeding your dog blueberries one by one
I think I found out what we're going be for Halloween....Alcohol poisoning victims.
To do list: put blue gatorade in a windex spray bottle. spray it into my mouth in public so people think i'm drinking windex.
You showed up to your dad's bday dinner late, dirty, and hungover then proceeded to yell at the bartender for trying to take advantage of you by putting extra bourbon in your drink... Highly doubt you win best daughter award.
I feel like the universe head butted me in my balls. That hungover.
.... My lady balls. Cuz I'm a lady.
This tequila is so bad I might cry. I won't Throw up but I might cry
So, I actually said the words "but face tattoos are sexy"
He thought reverse cowgirl meant he dressed up as a cowgirl. Honestly, it was more creepy than funny
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