I don't llike drinking between sober and blackout. Its boring.
Today's life lesson: fat girls should not wear tight miniskirts and vinyl leggings. This Forever 21 salesgirl is a hot mess.
I mean, he was my book buddy in 1st grade. The kid taught me how to read, the least I could do was give him head.
Woke up to a huge puddle of water in the living room floor, apparently I made an indoor snowman.
A baby just go on our party bus. What. The. Fuck.
you started putting condoms on anything with a point, then you were yelling at the lamp for using your last condom...
Don't forget: you only show your tits for the good beads. Be judicious.
I think god invented us with two hands so we can grab an ass and spank it at the same time.
I told you, I'm taking a sledgehammer to your walls. Fuck your walls.
I'm Batman.
Hooking up with him was lovely.. but waking up in his bed the next morning and finding double stuffed oreos... I mean.... I won
WHY THE FUCK IS MY BATH TUB FILLED WITH MUD?!
1. You were drunk 2. You wanted a mud bath\n3. We tried to talk you out of it, but you kept throwing dirt at us
I lost my bra at his grandma's house so there's that.
Knowing that porn stars want to fall in love is the weirdest thing I've found to be beautiful recently. I'm so lonely.
how much do I hate his dog? was just googling to see if you can rent a hungry eagle for the weekend hate.
Well statistically J has a 1 in 3 chance of hospitalization when downtown
And a 3 for 3 for disapeearing
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