I'm not conventionally pretty...I'm just crazy
Lesson 1: you can't keep macking on a girl if you get handcuffed
Tonight's Real World episode reinforced the well-known fact that men of any caliber can hook up with girls named "Crystal"
the pub in dfw airport has a countdown timer to st. pattys day, to the second, i like texas
Seriously... Things should be way more awkward... The entire female half of the bridal party INCLUDING THE BRIDE blew me in high school....
I thought the cops would know I was on shrooms because I was 10ft tall.
I recommend you throw your keys as far as you can in one direction, your phone as far as you can in the opposite direction, and hold on.
Santa brought me a 1.75 of wine, and a liter of patron. I probably won't remember Christmas, so don't ask me how it was tomorrow.
Last thing I ever expected to say, "Get your finger out of my ear or I will stop sucking your dick."
I am not betting on the failure of any friend that is not you.
I'm wearing a dinosaur hat bikini cone bra over my shirt. So good things are happening
I just had a great idea for an etsy shop. Sell all the shit bitches leave from one nighters
I was so high I didn't realize I'd put on someone else's bra. I thought my boobs had shrunk.
I'm so baked, I spent the last hour trying to screencapture the cracks on my phone.
He looked so uninterested when the stripper was slapping him. Now his roommates are harassing me about how crazy our sex must be.
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