so I'm never txting u again after today...
y?
cuz i don't wanna see it on blogspot :)
ha...too late
1:32a: I quit. signing up for eharmony. Don't judge
soo according to the calendar on my phone, I'm 5 minutes late to have sex with that guy from work. Apparently we planned this, I even set an alarm.
he showed up at my house with a hand-stiched sweater that said "girlfriend?"
20 yrs from now I just want to barge in her house and yell at her kids, "I took ur moms virginity!"
this is never going to happen for me, I think he thinks I'm crazy
well you did scream "PLEASE! I'LL S YOUR D IN FRONT OF EVERYONE"
I wish straight boys touched me the way gay boys do.
he turned two sober chicks into 7 drunken girls...he's my hero
I know, but I was really high and I felt like a failure dragon because I could only blow smoke, no fire.
I just had a 30 minute conversation about hummingbirds. That high.
I miss high conversations.
Swinging. Is. Amazing.
He asked her to marry him and she said yes. There is NO WAY she knows about his penchant for wearing lingerie.
You know you're a fat kid when you've spent half the day having a twitter conversation with Pizza Hut.
If there's one thing I learned yesterday, it's that if I really wanted to I could be mayor of Toronto.
we've talked on the toilet we're linked now
I was taking this cougar home in the middle of the night I walked across the hall all naked to take a piss and ran into to some chick from highschool she said no way you are fucking my mom ran into her moms room and started yelling at her
Randomize
