I am doing a scientific study and i need a brief description of the underpants you are wearing
Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
Why does Thanksgiving make hot girls feel disgusting and fat girls feel horny? Its killing my prospects.
You're the 8th person from last night to text me this morning and ask if I'm ok.
Things you are not allowed to do while im gone: sell cats on ebay, put cats in freezer again, shave cats like lions, dye cats pink/blue, try to light cats on fire to"wake them up from their nap" agian
Pot head idea of the day: make a maraca out of weed seeds. Or a rain stick? Definitely rain stick.
One time she made a chronological chart for the guys she has given blow jobs to, I shit you not.
Just did an entire nights worth of bar crawl in an hour. Boom
We did shots with the Tupperware consultant last night. I'd say the night was a success.
He fed us edamame like baby birds. Slowly all coming back to me.
Thank you for letting me get drunk enough to forget he was there tonight, but not drunk enough to make a complete fool of myself.
I'm still laying in bed cuz I don't feel like adulting yet
He uses Bing as his search engine...but he's great in bed. So obviously I'm torn.
We were gonna go out drinking tonight but she found out she's pregnant so are you free
If you are refering to the duckling living in your bath...I can explain, but before I do, can you throw a peice of bread in there?
Randomize
