I took my penis out way before I got to the bathroom and some dude kicked me out.
Nothing ended up happening last night because he couldn't get my overalls or fanny pack off. I woke up this morning with one strap over my overall shorts on, my fanny pack wrapped around my chest, and the baby doll still tied to my hand. Ugh white trash parties!
So I'm eating my sandwich... and a penny fell out of it.
i came on her dog
I just called him "young grasshopper" in a conversation. THIS is why I don't get numbers when I'm sober
why is my forehead so bruised?
i found you outside knocking on the door with your head because you couldn't lift your arms.
The stoned girl at the dining hall just handed me a single chicken wing and insisted that she's "unable to procure more rations"
Turns out lunch break sex with someone you cant stand being around for any amount of time just makes you wish you had gone to get tacos like you originally planed.
The only pictures I have are of me being stoned or me looking like a man, which do you prefer?
Okay. How did someone manage to piss on TOP of a urinal? What giant is roaming around with a prick five feet from the ground?
Your mom won me $100 and you showed me your tits. Solid evening.
Boobs are out for the taking
he thought it would be funny to put his dick inside a beer bottle and wear it around. until we all realized how small his dick would have to be to fit in a beer bottle
It's not too terrible. You just got a little naked and broke your arm.
Idk if I deserve a medal or a one way ticket to hell
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