My kitchen smells like failed pina coladas.
i wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commericals
i swear i just saw perry the platypus. the fuck dude. i shouldnt even know who that is
I kept calling his name while we were having sex cuz i was so proud that i remembered it.
Can you pinpoint the moment you decided it was acceptable to trade blow jobs for beers or was it a gradual slide?
this is random but who was banging in the shower in our condo?
Wanna go watch Transformers and scream "AMERICA!"? I need a no thought activity
While I faked being asleep, he literally prayed to God out loud, asking for forgiveness for losing his virginity before marriage.
That's some primal shit right there. My vagina is all like CONSUME HIM AND HIS FRUIT HE WILL GIVE YOU SONS!
She was trying to drink out of the beer bong and she thought it didn't work. Little did she know there was no beer in there. Then she got mad at us. Girls.
Just introduced myself to a group of people and one dude said "You're Marc!? I've heard many a legend of you." I raised bottle of champagne, said cheers, and drank with them.
I think after 8 tries we can say Stoli Thursdays cause too much damage.
If he cant deal with my insomnia and sex drive I really feel sorry for his child and ex fiance. Adulthood breakups are depressing.
Am I just high or is she having an auction for her vagina on Twitter
He got mad at you last time bc you tried to rap battle him via text. This is strictly business.
Randomize
