Kiss
Puke
Worst sexual experience IN MY LIFE. And now i know why it makes jesus cry.
so I told him I hadn't been laid since Bush was president. Right after he cums, he says "Welcome to the Obama Administration".
mom and dad are leaving for florida on 4/20, this is a sign
Just checked my phone. Sometime last night I googled sex positions in a tent. Was there even a tent there?
Well some days you just have to get blackout drunk and try to speak Spanish to French Canadian strangers
I might come over. Something about you makes me matronly and I have this urge to nurse you back to health with soup and a blowjob
It was fine until they started lighting shots of everclear on fire and making ME take them. That's when shit went down...
He was so drunk and proud of his 6-month-gym-results he actually made me touch his whole naked body.
As I was balls deep, she moaned "i can't wait to see what how hot our daughter will be". Instant de-boner
It was 6am and he went immediately for the 69. WTF?? 6am is WAY to early for acrobatics.
Accidentally donated half a joint to Kiwanis with the spare change from my car's ashtray. I hope those kids appreciate it.
Like I blink, and he's face first in my vagina.
You're supposed to discourage my sluttiness not bring me hot Colombian men
Listen, you can either give me drugs or an orgasm. You decide.
Randomize
