My entire childhood was an ugly sweater party
i got so high last night i cried hysterically for like 5 minutes because i dont have any superpowers
As much as I'm all for laying on his living room couch, watching spongebob and having spoon sex, it's becoming a routine.
Using his name makes it all too personal. I refuse to get attached to this one. This is all about ass. He doesn't get a name.
Lets just say I chased with a burrito.
I'm eating cheerios out of the palm of my hand while I pee with the door open. Is this adulthood?
Know what I do when I'm in that mood? Whenever anyone talks to me I just hiss like a cat. They go away.
we need to find a way to be drinking champagne 24/7
There is a video on my phone of me suckling a bag of wine from your crotch area while you say "The Body of Christ" in a Michigan accent. I vaguely remember being offended by this yet I did it anyway.
You rinsed the beer pong ball off in my White Russian
At least you didn’t announce to an entire bar you’ve eaten pussy, and then knocked your beer over.
I'm worried about how taking care of my mom's dog while being on acid will go.
It's the kinda thing that makes you wanna buy a rainbow flag and fight republicans and kiss girls
It's has to do with my genitals. Don't ask.
We blew shit up to. With a cannon.
Randomize
