He told me he was ok to drive home. Then I found him face-planted in the parking lot.
She's like the little sister I never had ... except for the fact we're having sex.
She's a squirter....that makes up for lots of other annoying things
Oh my god please beg your father to turn the car around so you can possibly get laid by a knight at medieval times.
i'm only riding in the trunk because they put the case of beer back here..
Tried to ride the mechanical bull pants less, got punched for making out with some lesbians wife, and you tipped the bartender with a can of skoal.
I regret nothing
Apparently stumbling across interstate bridges is not cause for concern but screaming Wookie noises at cars is. Thanks, cops.
Other than my penis smelling like an ashtray, it went really well.
Is drinking before noon still a bad idea if you invent an amazing cocktail?
That last one reminds me of the time we smoked that foot-long joint and by the time we'd finished we were so stoned we applauded it.
Never drinking before a 6am train again. Just threw up at boarder control and had to pretend it was cause I was pregnant and not cause I trashed.
You make Europe seem so glamorous.
Accidentally made a bowl of macaroni and cheese with a bottle of vodka. It's not that bad
Makes hanging out interesting when she lights you on fire just to roll ontop of you to 'put you out'.
Fun fact: nipples work on touch screens. Tell your friends :)
Despite evidence suggesting otherwise, it turns out max is 100%straight.
Randomize
