While I was dancing with him in my foil dress he said, "You're like a Chipotle burrito. Don't worry, that's the best complement you could get from me."
I hated hipsters before it was mainstream.
dude. i just ate tomato soup with a funnel. we're out of spoon-straws.
They're not that bad of drunks, they come back to the vehicle with more stuff than they went in with, so its a profitable venture.
Also I had a dream we made my birth control into a joint. What does that mean?
Tranny group. Dance off. Horse hair and dicks swinging. I. Cant. Unsee. This.
It takes a special kind of man to fart REALLY loudly right before entering a woman and still get some. This has been a state of bootytown address.
Sometimes a girl needs 4 shots of whiskey in her diet coke at 5 in the afternoon and i feel no shame in admitting that girl is me
Nothing worse then being at the gym on the elliptical next to a guy looking at porn on his phone
I just literally had a dance party in my closet. I've never been this blazed.
Sex aside I am really scared about Syria...
I'll start cleaning the house tonight darlin. So you don't have to fuck your two boytoys in the driveway the next two days.
I party with great urgency now.
we're tipping the strippers with chocolate coins.
She shit herself again. We're calling her the "Queen of Sharts".
Randomize
