I bet farrah fawcett is having words with michael jackson in heaven for stealing her thunder
You know the guy who poops at a party and then leaves and you go in, do your business, and come out and there are girls outside that think you pooped and no one talks to you? I'm the guy who poops before you go in, because I'm in a relationship and I hate you.
you were the other women for BOTH people in the relationship?
What hospital were we in last night? Insurance needs to know
These headphones make me feel like I'm sitting on John Mayers lap and he's singing just to me. I picture like a pitch black room with a single spotlight on us. Also, convinced Kyle to give me percocet soo.
Well idk about you but my nose is all recovered for the weekend.
He's telling everyone that the only reason he's at this party is to hook up with me. SOS HELP.
Well my ankle is fucked up, everytime it pops I have a reminder of $200. Jager bomb night and the day we began to rebuild our friendship.
I was just doing the math on how much beer we need for the houseboat. in doing so, I came to the conclusion that we need to open a beer distributor business.
Some dude peed on tonys floor because drunkness
They offered him a bucket as he was peeing and he was like "Nah, I'm good"
Awwww breaks my heart, I just wanna fix his teeth and give him a blowjob.
I'm very impressed by your ability to explain a story about your fiery snatch solely in emojis. props.
I'm a terrible person when I drink. I went from fine to not making any sense and yelling about cheese in like 30 seconds.
Drinking and decided to streak in the apartment fountain. Canadian goose shit and sharp rocks on the bottom. I sobered up quick. That was a very bad idea.
I've just realized that today's rations have consisted of turkey bacon and jack Daniels.
Randomize
