Well its official I'm an idiot. I made out hardcore with an employee last night in our banquet room. Oh and got wasted at work. Oh and showed my staff squirrel on a trampoline.
The lack of respect you have for your penis baffles me. I'd rather rub my ball sack on public toilet seats than stick my dick in some of those girls.
A simple 'no' would have sufficed
Just made out with the bride... She was still in her dress & I was still in my bridesmaid dress, how's that for an album picture?!?
I think forcing your little sister to drink with you on a Wednesday when she has school the next day is the low point of alcoholism.
I told you it's awful. It looks like he was eating honey at a barbershop and tripped.
Apparently my gaydar only works on americans. Frenchie capris has two topless chicks in our kitchen making him breakfast.
I would like to apologize for making you the target of my "I wish head hair grew as fast as Pubes speech" the other night
Okay throwing up in my mouth a little = time to go home
We have started to decorate penises.
We should buy t shirt guns and blow eggs out of them at his house. Bachelorette party
Whenever someone said no you would yell "Die Motherfucker." Kind of like some twisted drinking game.
Guy running next to me at the gym is judging me. I think he can smell the whiskey leaking out of my pores.
I just put condoms in a mason jar because it looked prettier than the box.I think I've peaked.
Her cat was breathing in my ear all night, like that kid from Hey Arnold.
I had to put my dog down, accidentally outed my brother, and was given a fucking fish sandwich instead of a Big Mac ALL IN ONE DAY! Am I really the person you want to consult for advice? Hhhmmmmmm?
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