Skinny jeans should not be made in size 14. Then, it's just a lie.
but i have a bet that her boyfriend is going to try and deflower her tonight so i better get a move on if i want to videotape it
but the good news is i woke up with 15 dollars in my pocket so i probably sold my phone instead of puking on it
she is medically diagnosed as a nympho. she has the paper to prove it. hell. fucking. yeah.
she's sitting alone using her breathalyzer as a kazoo. help.
omg this is getting ridiculous. nobody's vagina should ever be this neglected.
I'm pretty sure my intestines are bleeding but I'm still going to Orlando to catch that orgasm.
I just folded my boss's lingerie. I need a drink and a raise
my ex's current girlfriend held my hair as I threw up. new low.
So, my love of dick may have landed me in a cult. On the bright side, I now have a discount at Spencer's.
No I kepy moaning and just called out a name to make them believe I was actually having sex instead of masturbating.
I've given up on the male species, I'm just going to be a lonely whore for the rest of my life.
Just so u know, "come here buckey" has no effect on ur cat, but "hey fucker you wanna get high or what?" will cause him to run from the other room knocking shit over. We smoked outta the gravity bong, then he went and ate.
Dude, you screamed I AM THE WALRUS while giving a statue of Ronald McCdonald a lapdance. You were NOT sober.
Cover for me. Stopped at Chris’ for a quickie. Broke a high heel and there’s jizz all over my black dress. Fuck pornstars for making workday sex look easy
Randomize
