I haven't been this sober since birth.
i need to know the scientific term for a guy's taint so i can explain what i did last night.
I took my shirt off and stood in the kitchen for an hour and a half talking to his parents about my tattoos
Dude I reek of $2.50 pitchers, $1 off/pack marlboro cigs, and fear.
Fear?
FEAR.
If I can't pick up a cat lady, I probably need to turn to Internet dating.
I will tell my future kids about the time I went to the bar with a stomach virus. Like a champ.
I wish someone would just come knock on my door and fuck me already so that me and my stuffed animals aren't the only ones who see my amazing spring break tan. I'm not getting skin cancer so I can just sit here abstinent.
They had to stop us from skinny dipping in the reflection pool of the Mormon temple.
Whatever I'm getting wasted, my costume's bomb, and there's a good chance I'm getting laid. Not letting stupidity ruin my night!
Did my married ex-boyfriend really tell me that he prays for me? Fucking Judas
she said she just "wanted a guy who she could cook breakfast for". HUGE MISTAKE. I'm never leaving
Munching saltines, sippin Gatorade, and trying not to get eaten by this small horse
I broke her handcuffs. I feel like an animal.
also. when i get a car, the amount of space there is for sex WILL be a huge deciding factor.
Watching South Park, doing sit-ups and drinking tequila. In other words, my night is going pretty good.
Randomize
