Dude WTF? His teammate just started talkin to me on fb! Am I walking around with a "I like to f**k gators" on my forehead?
No, it just says ur easy
She just referred to her vagina as "this bitch".
i can now proudly say that ive peed off of a balcony overlooking the pacific ocean AND a balcony overlooking the atlantic ocean
no. 1 rule of bromania: no females
So you met him?
More like I walked in on him, drunk, naked, and doing "bathtub yoga". Please stop bringing your dates home.
He's telling everyone that the only reason he's at this party is to hook up with me. SOS HELP.
Get this. He's a red head and he works at country oven bakery. He will forever be known as the gingerbread man.
It was like coming out my mothers vagina again in slow motion
Strip clubs it is bday boy. One condition. I am in full custody of your ID. I plan on being in no condition to coordinate rescue operations and we need to keep casualties to a minimum. You cannot be trusted.
Alright goddamnit. Can I bring my pirate hat?
I insist.
you gave a quesadilla a blow job with sour cream at Denny's.
I'm standing on the corner in a banana costume and cape with frozen bananas in my utility belt reassessing my life decisions.
May the power of my ass compel you!!
I woke up with a treasure map drawn on my ass. Whattt.
I just chased my birth control with Smirnoff. Shit's about to go down.
Actually I really wish that I was drinking so I could ask him for breakup sex and then later blame it on my alcoholic tendencies. Maybe tomorrow instead.
Randomize
