So I got my period. Finally. In related news, I reinstated my belief in God.
and that's when the elephants and penises started dancing on the ceiling
So this girl in my math class just went to the bathroom, tampon in hand, comes back with it still in her hand starts digging around in her purse, takes her thing of birthcontrol out, goes oh fuck, and downs the rest of the pills. Got to love college.
I wish my new phone didn't autocorrect so well. People will never experience the magic of my drunk texts because they think I'm making a coherent statement.
I only knew it was midnight because i got happy new years texts while i puked outside
No need to clean the puke on the driveway. The squirrel is eating it up.
Sarah likes to play this game where she leaves her thongs at every party. she hides them where hopefully gf's will find them. I caught her naked from the waste down in my freezer this morning
All I could think about when I saw her was that she could be the mother of my future first round draft picks
I was basically shocked at how calmly you accepted my violently shoving a french fry in your mouth.
People were running around punching out the ceiling tiles Super Mario style.
Well at least ssomeone is or the state is tafing over ir in twligiob
There is a Victoria's Secret pageant on right now with Taylor Swift singing in lingerie. I didn't know a penis could get this erect.
I'm sitting in Madison square park surrounded by children thanking god I took emergency contraception
Now all I have unanswered questions and a fucked up finger
Sorry I blacked out in bed
it was real late and you were brushing your teeth with miller light. it was bound to happen.
Randomize
