If you are in NYC and not seeing anyone, you should come fucke me now because:1 i am not in love with you anymore, 2 i am drunk enough where i won't feel the n eed to kisx you awardly to avoid your beard, 3we have unfinished business that i wpn't get -assed unyil orgass have been had, 4 i really really want to
I'll never ask another girl to get on top again, that girl from the bar last night got on top and shit diareah all over my ball sack while she was cumming.
I like how washing the beer bong is now a regular part of washing the dishes.
He's coming over tonight...I really wish I didn't have my period right now...
I believe I'm witnessing the first time ever that you wished your period would NOT come....
All I need in life is some dick and a big mac.
He came on my chin and called me cumbledore. i give up.
We waited til after. Not even drunk sex felt right during a Disney movie.
You swear the intervention is for her? I've fallen for that one twice.
I thought I could grab a hold of my stream of urine. So she left pretty soon after that.
So I don't know, I'm not a doctor, but I might be juggling dates with 3 different guys...
Your drunk naked friend is roaming the living room. Started roaming my room. Please come retrieve him
If you gave someone an std. would you say a muffin basket, a candy gram or an edible arrangement is a better choice to send them?
So this is what bad decisions tastes like...
I’m pretty sure I have teeth marks on my neck
Step 1 was make out with him. so now we just need to come up with step 2.
Randomize
