you announced to everyone at the bar "fuck girls. they're confusing. im gonna start having sex with boys now"
when I picked him up he smelled like cheeseburgers, had a bite mark around his left nipple and we think someone stabbed him in the forehead with a pencil... it was like the Hangover meets Texas Chainsaw Massacre
frozen drink friday is suspended until further notice
Little boy scout stared at me with judgmental looks while I bought 3 bottles of liquor but refused to buy popcorn from him
Of course I lose my iPhone but still manage to hold on to the ruler for my dirty teacher costume
You just threw your burrito at the passing teenage couple and yelled "It's never gonna last" of course your were a shit show
My bed smells like stale sex...I want it to smell like fresh sex, I miss you.
on a brighter note, the cop thought i could kick adams ass if it came down to that and said he had $20 on me if it ever happens
And to add, there was a fat guy right next to me who, when the girls would shake their butts, he would let out a shrill xena warrior princess cheer
I'm attracted to him because he looks like the kind of guy who would lick my asshole without me having to ask.
Just opened up the freezer to find chocolate penis popsicles. Too hungover for this shit
But now I'm just thinking when he said he "worked for the airline" he actually meant drug smuggling.
There is a video of you making out with him, flipping off the camera, and holding the plastic flamigo that you had just stolen out of a yard
But I’m still curious to know... how did the homemade porno go?
when i woke up w mysterious sticky crap in my hair, i assumed i had another blackout hookup. nope. turns out i made PBJ and proceeded to pass out in it. i ate the evidence when i woke up.
Randomize
