I'm in a cab, in a strange city, and my driver looks like he's going to eat me. My facebook password is **** I want you to have the one thing I hold dearest to my heart.
There's a dead frog in my kitchen?
Yeah, you found him outside and decided to give him a bath with your roommates electric toothbrush.
The worst part is that you sang Air Supply songs to him as you did it. Poor guy died in the middle of "Making love out of nothing at all"
I just saw a like a 30 person deep walk of shame... it was like the million man march but with dorm chicks
Apparently getting drunk, buying a guitar from your local costco and walking in to an open mic night is not the same as rocking out to guitar hero...
It's like I paid NJ Transit $33 to suck his dick and go home. Fuck that.
Another memory: We offered for a stranger to live in our house under the condition that he took the garbage out because it's a 'blue' job.
We are the best.
Ps. We need to take the garbage out.
My head is pounding and I need an ice pack for my vag. Successful friendsgiving!
So you're mad that you saw a penis at a swinger's party? That's rational
why do all the dudes in this porno look like billy ray cyrus
You rode your bike four miles to my house. Yelled "I'm so high!" Then crashed into his car. It's a problem.
I need a full description of the guy I hooked up with. I don't think I ever saw his face
he seemed brazillian..
fuck.
who is that guy in your bed? he looks like jesus..way to keep it festive
Yup, two strangers look up at each other and realize the only connection they have is the dead woman they banged to death below them. Magic. They have to be best friends now.
Dude. I don't even want cuddles. I just want an acknowledgement that I just had balls in my mouth.
We told the cop that we were playing soccer, in flip flops, and 2:30 in the morning. It was raining and i had board shorts on. He bought it, lets go get drunk
Randomize
