so then we both started to do the walk of shame and she didnt realize we had fucked in her apartment until some lady said hi to her in the elevator
you didnt stop her?
too entertaining
god is playing jersey shore on new years on purpose. he wants me to play drinking games and die. i wish he knew how serious this is.
the meat mosque collapsed into the alcohol moat
considering I showed up there after a xanax, 2 bottles of champagne and some coke, no shirt and someone else s husband... I'm sure you can figure that one out.
she keeps giving me cups of everbeer.. its everclear and beer mixed. i guess its blackout or backout time
Your cum is still running out of me. I pity the next person that tries these jeans on....
I was so intoxicated last night I was giving out my real name and number ugh.
Goddamnit Shari. He's not called Pencil Dick because he's good a sketching...
Do you have pictures of my pancakes
I need to show the world
They are the pancake equivalent of eventual wife
You'll love it there. Trust me. Cheap tequila, pretentious beer, tall white guys who will treat you badly. Its got everything you like.
he's a mother fucking interior design major!! we boned and fell asleep and now we're laying in bed discussing what color i should paint my room. i'm marrying him
DO NOT PREHEAT THE OVEN THIS MORNING! WE STARTED USING IT AS A WINE STASH AROUND MIDNIGHT.
If you’re wondering why the bong is outside the garage door just know I was being environmentally efficient by not using the freezer to chill my shit
Kinda thinking about going to my moms wedding high
you were shouting "me peeing on him is the closest he'll EVER get to my vagina!"
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