Mom and Dad are dead. Trust fund
So... I'm really sorry I tried to sell you to random people in cars last night
Honestly dude, i think you should ignore the restraining order if you really love her.
What's the appropriateness of putting a 50 cent lyric in my gmas eulogy?
He told me all about his plan for proposing to his girlfriend as pillow talk.
It could have went better. They kicked us out of the casino and I drunkenly whipped her across the face with a fishing pole. Long story.
you were cooking a hot pocket with a grill lighter what did you want me to do
I hit him with a car. Nothing says I hate you more than backing into someone with a fucking car.
Something's wrong. Everything's on fire. Unless it was like that before. Then everything's alright.
Where the royal fuck are you??
The depths of vodka hell.
Dude, it's not gay. It's winter.
I think I'm too tall to 69 successfully.
I think I might cry.
He said the pain stops when I get my shit together and stop being a drugged out alcoholic mess. Could have just said no.
Apparently I've texted the word shitfucked so much it auto-completes it now.
hey, cheif big dick, where the fuck are my panties.
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