he only lasted three minutes, so to spite him i stayed the night and slept in.
my throat hurts so bad i feel like i just gave head to a cactus.
Umm. Any where really. Alcohol and boobs. Those are the requirements.
i ordered a pipe on amazon, and under recommended items, it gave me a top hat. it knows me better than my parents.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I asked this couple what they would like to drink and they leaned toward me eagerly and asked if we still have THE root beer ... Idk if this is code for please add cocaine to my drink
I'm kinda surprised he wouldn't be honored to take me back as a fuck buddy.
Can you bring me the toilet please
Is it bad that I tried to build an outfit based around "What do people who use condoms look like when they buy condoms?"
You spent the whole night conversing with your zombie poster, so I'd say you were pretty far gone.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Please come to class. I miss you and I have a horse mask
He usually doesnt care about me cumming but last night he really tried, I feel that him going to the Womens March benefitted my sex life
Is Facebook telling the truth about your nipples?!
Can't meet up at the party. Gary was caught by the cops attempting to drop a deuce thru his ex wife's Subaru via sun roof. Details as soon as bail is processed.
i woke up half naked on someone's pool lounge chair in a house that i don't know, with someone's phone number scrawled on my stomach. why do i hang out with you again??
You just listed two reasons.
I’ve been home 1 day and already had sex with my ex and got a blowie from her cousin and currently I’m getting molested by a cougar at the bar!!!! Plenty to give thanks for this year!!!!
Randomize