Do you think Patty Mayonase ever went down on Doug?
so i woke up in some guy's bed but then i realized i can atone for this tomorrow
At least I know she didn't hear me crawl to my room. Or did I walk on my hands? Fuck if I know.
Well on a positive note, crystal light now comes in margarita flavor
GOOD NIGHT DREAM OF ALCOHOL SNO CONES
When I said 'i love my boyfriend' I didn't mean 'send me a picture of your penis'.
There is not greater feeling than lying to your boss and leaving work to shit in the comfort of your own home
Pretty sure I picked a cat up off the street and took him home with me, fed him tuna, then let him go
We shouldn't eat pizza in the pool
We r drinking tequila out a glass bottle and smoking weed underwater, pizzas the least of our concern
I slept with someone only because he got my Simon Birch impression. It was a new low.
I say that because you at one point were like a mama spider covered with baby spiders only you were a man covered with strippers.
You came into my room and started rubbing a banana on your face.
dying me prepared for dead me... i woke up with my laptop open to the last snl episode, a bottle of gatorade, advil and a bag of chocolate all next to me
If you're with any of them tell them i apologize for (insert whatever i did here)
I don’t know what he is but he sure can suck a lollipop.
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