According to Glamour magazine, experiencing sexual pleasure helps you live longer. I am dying an early death.
So am i just your go-to 'i found a tick on my penis' number?
I may have been hammered and in a wheelchair but I definitely remember asking the hospital reseptionist to marry me
I'm practically paying him in tacos to have sex with me.
You can identity the picture as me the mistress his wife and him. It's that kinda awkard.
you passed out while setting up your phones timer to time how long it would take before you to passed out.
Whats your number? 5 or more?
Cinco. It sounds smaller in Spanish.
We went the strip club and out of no where the waitress brings him over a quesadilla and a jäger bomb and says your usual!! He swore he had never been there before
This strange Italian man told me he wants to take me for ice cream and kept calling me "tomato" from tinder
Remember the girl I had sex with in the dorm stairwell? She got married!
If Denver makes it to the Super Bowl I'll quit drinking. So I'm pretty much stocking up on booze
I shit like a lady though so that rarely happens
My brain is a dvd screensaver and I'm allowed to have a good thought when it hits the corner
When you called me I said did you make it home. You said yeah. Then you said you didn't know where you were. I said you were at home and you said but where. I said you are in the bathroom. Then you said oh, you're so smart lol
The high school classes are online, not my sex life. He still comes over for “teacher / parent conferences.” A couple more “conferences” and I’ll be able to rewrite the Sex Ed curriculum
Randomize
