I don't know what happen last night but the fact that it's 9 am and I need to put my dick in something means it didn't go as planned.
guy just got out of the car at the drive in and told his girlfriend "fuck you and your taco" and walked off
Apparently I told his new girlfriend to stop swallowing because she's getting fat. Oh, and I yelled this across a large room
Ok roommate is officially weird. Just watched her microwave the same broccoli 3 times in a row and cry b/c she fucked it up. Wtf lol
It's official. I am the girl who threw up in the library. Hangovers and midterms do not mix.
I don't have patience to seek someone out and try to decipher whether or not I think I'd want to actually have their dick in my face.
This is gonna be a long day for my vagina and I
Yeah well you try taking nice pictures while you have pizza crust lodged in your throat
STAY IN YOUR APARTMENT. DONT GO TO SAFEWAY TO BUY CONDOMS. DONT GO TO THE VAN.
My cousin was arrested on a class b felony for selling meth out of the back door of McDonald's where he worked. Apparently it was the extra special sauce.
It was a career choice to be sure... Mistakes were made.
It's okay that we broke up and all but it's not okay that he still has my Chick-fil-A calendar card. This month is free fries!
That is priceless. You walk into her house, fuck her husband and demand Chinese food. Your an inspiration to us all.
I think I left my thong in your bed. Careful. It has the power to destroy the agitator on a washing machine
Had to trim my nails cus they got too long to effectively finger myself with
Just got my second shot
Baller. We’re going to be knee deep in strippers and coke in 10 days
Randomize
