New requirements. My future husband must have a nose ring and wear headbands.
We are no longer friends.
I want to get laid tonight but my sheets haven't been washed since vomiting in them on Halloween :(
Everybody was literally kung fu fighting
Too tired to do the dishes so I made mac and cheese in a teapot. There's still some left if you want some...
She said that I needed to "pregame her so it can slip right in."
Its 6am and I'm sitting on the couch watching Clifford. Crying into my risotto because emily elizabeth helped the girl in the wheelchair get over her stagefright so she can win a trophy. Never drinking alone again.
gona look into getting a tetanus booster and carrying an adrenaline shot...its going off this weekend
Why do I have the 4 of hearts in my bra?
Haha we got sick of drinking on 4 is for whores so we stole the cards...I woke up with three of them in mine
drunken problem solving at its finest
It's not a real holiday until someone pees on you. Did someone pee on you?
I lowered my expectations when he started off saying "ah missionary, my specialty"
Me too...I'm driving to work trying to figure out if I put my pants on the right way.
YOU HAVE TO STOP TELLING BARTENDERS WE DON'T HAVE MORAL STANDARDS
Hi. Tara tells me your sandwiches and stamina are substantial
just caught myself putting beer in the oven and pizza in the fridge. i should be a trainwreck by tonight.
I woke up with an eye patch on, someone else's sweatshirt on, and no pants on. I hope it was a good night.
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