New all-time record for most uncomfortable I've ever been. A midget just asked me to restrap his fanny pack in the bathroom.
Every time I hit my bowl my neighbors set off fireworks... I stop, they stop. I start again, they start again. Too high for this.
he climbed up to our party on the 2nd floor balcony and then pulled a glass mug and a beer from his knapsack. these freshmen are intense
Before you say anything, my vagine does NOT discriminate against young dads
I would have thought, as two of my best friends, you girls could have cought me as I fell out of the shower. There are so many bruises.
... They left for 10 minutes and came back with a lobster he's in the toilet downstairs
You refused to get in the cab so we rock paper scissored to decide who walked you home and the fat guy was it. So don't blame your poor hook-up choice on me; it was all you.
Currently smoking a blunt with my one night stand's mom. I don't know how I should feel about this.
He ran into the surf holding up a cigarette yelling "let the Olympic games begin!" So no, no vodka left.
Yup on the verge of buzzed and drunk. I managed to make my way into my cat's box house to fall asleep. I'm comfortable
Every little girl dreams of the day when she picks up her fuck buddy because he's drunk at the gay bar again.
I don't want his dick, I want his flame thrower!!
One of my favorite March activities is cropdusting people while wearing a kilt.
I did crash a prom last night though.. It was fun
Long story short I ended up getting choked out by a really hot guy in the girls bathroom at a bar last night
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