Yeah. He most definitely jizzed himself in the face.
Last night drunk me texted a sure to be hungover me my class schedule and locations for today. I'm like a mom preparing her child for the first day of school
When she gives birth, I'm so playing 'Eye of the Tiger'
3 things. 1. is this real life 2. my liver hates me 3. keg race tonight
Please find an outlet that isn't stripping or getting drunk and arrested
judging by her collection of mens sweaters, shes fucked the entire lands end catalog.
I don't like getting sloppy drunk but I don't like getting just half drunk either, I'm way too responsible if my blood alcohol level is below 0.2
Please come and rip my uterus out before it does it itself
Start warming up your vocal cords, because Fucking With The Windows Open season has arrived.
L'Shannah Tovah!
Whats that? My new stripper name?
Yeah, nothing like barfing into a grocery bag you just put dog shit into.
God, please protect all woman from micro-penises
Just screamed wow while using my vibrator.. new low
I remember the Prince Albert and the three penises in the threesome. But the rest no.
We havent had power for three days. What else is there to do besides drink and fuck? I thought that was obvious.
Randomize
