New Low: Just set a reminder on my phone for me to check on things I need to harvest late on Farmville.
I have two girls sleeping in my bed naked and I ended up making it to class, what were you saying about staying in on the weekdays?
Went to mcdonalds... Wishing I could throw up the last 20 hours of my life.
I don't know at least half of his name. I have officially become a statistic.
in the past 3 nights i've fucked a millionaire, a drug dealer and a civil engineer... i dont really have a "type" anymore
Some guy just stopped me in the bar and asked if I had a shot named after me at another bar called God damn my VaJana hurts? He already knew my name was Jana so I couldn't deny it!
Being high is an amazing excuse. I was using him for the potential of a beret, come on. I'd do that sober.
He was all like, "I think ur the one that got away and I miss you." I replied, "I gave u a hand job once in your hot tub. No need to wax nostalgic about it."
Dedicating my hangover to whoever the hell I hooked up with in the bathroom last night.
just kidding, dedicating it to the gods of mexican food. omnomnom
I just remember her dragging me inside in a panic saying we needed mentos and popcorn I have no fucking clue how we ended up asleep in her closet.
Its a sick, sad, world when parents get more ass then you.
I just imagined myself as R2-D2 and you as C3P0 walking around the Vegas desert looking for alcohol
I think the moment she woke up butt naked on a mattress with her phone still on her face was the point she knew last night was fucked up
I can always count on you to keep my boobs honest
I got kicked out of the E.R. for saying "balls".
Randomize
