My farts woke her up so I pretended to be keep sleeping.
Do you think the new Crest Whitestrips Advance Seal would stay on while I give him head? It would be great to knock out 2 things at once...
Hes a 32 yr old divorced sailor that calls me almost every night drunk begging me to call him big daddy. I think i might need to change my number.
I am not a stalker...i just bring a whole new meaning to the word love
Apparently I'm the guy that didn't get the memo that Afliction and wifebeaters were the proper attire for tonight... so I'll just sit here alone in my sweatervest and be judged.
I try new drugs instead of new boys. That way you can't scold me about the importance of condoms
I do not mind being torn from the first touches of sleep to see a man who looks like that
Thank you for helping a fellow gay friend today. You are sublime and deserve free tickets to the Ellen show
I have a bandage in my ass crack. In. My. Ass. Crack.
We had sex while watching the republican debate. I'm not sure how he maintained an erection watching Donald Trump speak.
After finding out he was married when we were together, I don't trust him.
I woke up in a bush somewhere in Tucson with a full suit on. Great way to end my birthday.
I told my parents how nice the girl at the frogurt store was. I neglected to mention that I nearly lost my virginity to her via foursome.
Just slather his penis with BBQ sauce
Finally got with the virgin.
Yeah? Howd that go?
As soon as I got it all the way in, I looked deep into her eyes and said "your soul is mine" in the deepest voice I could make. She was not amused.
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