Thats not how I planned it, its just the way she passed out
Let's just say there's a reason that "suede" rhymes with "laid".
you refused to leave the drive-thru at mcdonalds until the cashier took a jello shot
She has her iPod in her ears slippers and sweats on and is walking around the house up and down the stairs getting "exercise" she just stopped for a water break
bars should really give you discounts for bringing your own shot glass
He just kept petting my ear and informing me that I wasn't one of the guys
Just stabbed myself in the face trying to lick melted cheese off a kitchen knife.
You know it's going to be a good night when you're barking by 8:20.
mom how many of the songs from my childhood are mexican drinking songs?
all of them.
I was trying to remember why my knees hurt then I remembered I was twerking on the countertops.
I REMEMBER NUGGETS BEING THERE BUT WE WERE AT A TACO BELL
She used to be cute, back when we were young.
Oh well, so were platform jellies. Shit changes.
Woke up this morning with a plate of ravioli in my bed. Who says being single can't be fun?
Is this making any sense, because I’m puking and trying to be Philosophical right now
just saw a kid waiting at the door of the stairs for the elevator. there is no elevator in this building. get on his level.
Randomize
