it was 5AM and you were field goal kicking solo cups into the sink
Bad idea pregaming graduation.... she just threw up before walking across the stage... i'm gonna miss this
Barack Obama mentioned plan B and suddenly this address seems a lot more personal
I got a Luke Skywalker costume so I can go do battle with the homeless guy who plays the fiddle dressed as Darth Vader downtown.
Call me old-fashioned, but I don't think the words, "Finger my ass" should find their way into casual conversation.
You gave me your shirt to use as a napkin every time I spilled beer on myself. Before we went to the bar.
He left my apartment when I broke up with him just as my booty call was walking in. It was a little awkward...
You gotta hand it to him. 6 hours in a new town and he's already fuck someone, had his ass kick by her bf, and rounded up a posse of people to kick this guys ass.
It's been over a year since we've been get-so-drunk-you-throw-beer-cans-at-fat-girls-drunk together. That needs to change.
And to top it off I think that was the first time in history that anyone has used "oh just taking care of her grandmother and doing porn" in the same sentence.
Good. Need a drinking partner later. FOR AMERICA!!!
My dog is now used to me drunk singing and sleeps through it. I don't know how I feel about this
I don't know if apple cider everclear was such a good idea
So apparently when I'm drunk and want water I pant like a dog and expect to have water given to me..
He got me to hold his phone, wallet, keys and pants while he hooked up with another girl.
Randomize
