i'm going to be honest, my vagina smells.
Hey, I can't get ahold of Tommy. Let him know his ex-girlfriend is pregnant.
i'm taking a spore imprint of the mushroom we found growing in our bathroom and sending a picture to ryan. he will then be able to tell if it's trip-worthy
I dunno. The only plans I have for sure after finals are smoking a bowl and eating a 5 pound gummy bear. btw I bought a 5 pound gummy bear
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You had a hot dog outside the bar then made me stop at McDonald's for a double quarter pounder. I'd say you've more than filled your drunken meat quota.
So I hooked up with a guy with a mustache and woke up on a dragon futon underneath a dragon yin-tang tapestry... My life is spiraling in a weird way.
I had phone sex with a retiree last night. This is not how I envisioned my 20s going...
No. I either had a 6 minute orgasm or I had so many I lost count. I'm still not sure.
You put on some guys Birkenstocks that were abandoned on the dance floor overtop of your flats. Then ran out of the bar high gives the bouncer and said "look at my new kicks" then he was like woah wait a minute someone is missing those and made you return them. You were very upset
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Eating an avocado like an apple while doing shots of fireball and watching finding nemo. I need to get my shit together.
At least your road beer policy is responsible. Well, relatively speaking.
Pretty sure I got pink eye from the strip club. There is also still beer cans rattling around in my shower.
I'm pretty sure I broke my breathalyzer by breathing vaporized vodka into it.
Are you rolling a joint while doing homework?
No, I am rolling a joint with my homework.
27 year olds can still do oral in a car right? Or is that trashy?
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