Boner jamz table deep. plus bar deep. wiing waing.
It's like she can't drink without using a flambongo
Something's wrong. Everything's on fire. Unless it was like that before. Then everything's alright.
Anne I just took two ambiens. I think my body is melting into my blow up bed. Like a stick of butter just slowly melting. And I'm alright. Don't be afraid. I'll be alright.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
First Thanksgiving as a grown up: My step dad had to take my brother (who still smells like booze) and I both to our cars this morning, apparently we were at the same bars (same stamps), & I think I broke my elbow. Im thankful to be alive & not incarcerated.
It's okay though. My mom didn't believe that they were mine cuz they were magnums. Having a surprisingly large penis ftw
Apparently after I threw up I put my socks in the toilet......
I just gave an orange Froot Loop the finger for falling on the floor instead of my mouth when I was pouring a mini box of cereal into my face.
Hooked up with a guy dressed as Miss Frizzle last night... Asked if I could ride his Magic School Bus
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Goddamn it Peter ur the only person i know who can make going down on a girl a competition.
She won. Twice.
I planned to shave today but it's Friday the 13th I might cut something
All you need for a happy life is Jameson and slippers
Wow dude wow that's sad man so sad. I dno't event wanna massturbate anymore due to teh sadness
Oh don't mind my cushion, I got plowed in the ass by a freight train last night
dude i haven't had a solid dump since sunday and i still cant hear out of my right ear
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