I'm gonna cuddle the shit out of you tomorrow
That's why you don't touch shit after fingering somebone
I can't sleep so instead I'm thinking of all the things I would love to do to you right now
That's weird, I usually just count sheep
why is it impossible to run with a back pack without looking like a giant d-bag?
haha... you gave me a great visual of you in high white socks running with a backpack with eye of the tiger playing in the background
that only happened once.
Hows this for an invention: a toilet that weighs your poop
the last girl i hooked up with and the last guy i hooked up with are hooking up right now. this is where bisexuality becomes a problem.
She asked me how I live with myself. I told her one night at a time.
theyre doing DJ Khaled impressions again...
My ex just called and told me that he is on his way to the hospital because he popped a vein in his dick. Should I go to the ER with him or class?
Well I'm just gonna sit here naked in this chair and whatever happens happens
thank you for reminding me that I stumbled into a public place drunk at 9am wearing a chicks pants.
Hell hath no fury like a woman whose gay sidekick you insult
Stop calling dibs on everything with a vagina you jackass.
That should be the title of my autobiography.
you grabbed the breathalyzer at dinner, blew a 0.20 and told the waitress you'd eat her ass
How you run into a glAss door three times in a row I do not know
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