on a scale of 1-10how much freaking out is acceptable if you just found a (possibly used) cock ring in the head board that your parents gave you?
So you really have to stop introducing me to girls and afterwards saying "he has his dick pierced" let them find out for themselves
I whispered "you're doing a great Job" when he was fucking me. Then high fived him.
I DON'T WANT TO DEMONSTRATE MY DICK TAKING ABILITIES WITH MY MOM THERE.
Yeahhh, everybody is so helpful when a pretty girl is crying hysterically and has only one shoe and a six pack.
Nothing motivates a person to clean their apartment like puking up cheese ravioli beer-tequila chicken wings for eight hours.
I just smoked weed out of a baked potato.
You rock my world.
Spent fifteen minutes in the car thinking i was psychic before i realized the cd was not on shuffle
I accidentally told my mom "the reason I didn't answer your call is because my phone was in my pants, on the floor"
oh my god I have a fantastic druncle story to tell you. It involves a burrito, a meltdown and a bear
The burrito and meltdown are standard, but I'm intrigued by the bear
I rammed pretzels and Jell-O shots down the throats of those I loved.
I told you for Halloween we just need to let the loins free! Let the girth come to us in a flock, drenched with passion!
Buying drug test kits off amazon. And qualifying for amazonSmile donation to a kids hospital feels wrong and funny at the same time xD
That awkward moment when you realize you've been secretly blackout dating someone for three months. Drunk me is in a committed relationship.
Why do I always have at least 8 men with whom I am conducting some sort of poorly planned love experiment?
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