My dad is complaining about how his computer keeps getting viruses. I don't have the heart to tell him he needs to stop downloading so much porn.
just did the walk of shame by his grandma. what the fuck is an old lady doing up at six am?
he just told me i make him happier than drugs. that's some serious shit right there
The bride says you won't want any of the single ladies...
Let's let the open bar be the judge of that.
At CVS buying just condoms. The guy behind me is buying just hotdog buns. There was a silent moment of understanding between us.
I can feel his 12 year old sister"s eyes barreling into my soul everytime I'm at there house..some how she knows I'm cheating on her brother or she's mad cause I stole her shirt.
I asked if he wants to help me spring forward at 2am on Sunday. He seems down.
My new best friend is the drag queen who works at mcdonalds and doesnt judge me during my walk of shame coffee break
That feels better than graduating college or that time I tried to ride a llama. Did you know they really spit?
MORE IMPORTANTLY I THINK I JUST WATCHED SOMEONE GET SO LONELY AS TO TURN BISEXUAL??
I just heard your voicemail. Glad you like my dick and think I'm cool
I'm in the line at Chipotle thinking: "What combo will best prepare my body for the open bar I'm going to subject it to tonight?"
I just moved my 11am hair appointment to 8am so I could blackout at noon. Who am I?
Yeah that was post sex. I was thinking in my mind, no wonder he didnt ask me to call him daddy since he actually is a dad
-367$ and a torn scrotum.. Panama wins
Randomize
