i threw up in over 4 different places last night. it was like a world tour
He's still on the phone with him. This is unnatural. Dudes don't call other dudes just to talk.
I'm gonna die fat and alone and all they will find is pizza crusts
he just found out the funeral is this morning so i'm wearing last night's clothes and look like a total slut.
I had to throw a towel over the bottles cuz it hurts to look at them
for once, the $56 i am about to pay for plan b was actually worth the sex.
Just so we're clear. I'm still making jello shots and bringing them to the bar in my purse. I don't care if its half off margaritas. Don't want anyone thirsty
My dad just decided to play wingman for me... I dont want to let the family down... but both these girls are hideous
But for future reference, it might help your game if you don't tell the girl you're trying to get on your dick that she's "not the worst thing you've ever seen"
My neighbour is taking her hamster for a walk on a leash. Come over now
If you ever wanna get tagged teamed, army guys are pretty open to it. Write that down for future reference.
The only person I have to bring is crazy hospital guy
HE'S NOT INVITED!!!
He can kiss the multicultural 3 some goodbye
I wanna get to the point where I can just send a question mark and get an exclamation point in response
The thought of you trying to procreat frightenes and disgusts me!
Randomize
