I saw a sign that said worlds largest frying pan next exit. Way to do your fucking part Iowa.
oddly enough my penis is pretty tan. the part of my body that gets the least amount of sunlight is tanner than most of the rest of my body.
I think its part of male evolution. Pretty soon they'll have diamonds on them and taste like chocolate.
so apparently telling her she could shit easier and therefore lose weight faster wasn't the best arguement for getting anal.
My ferret is drunk. Someone told me you'd know what to do?
dude, I just walked in on your little brother changing clothes...I'm ashamed to say I noticed, but that kid has as MASSIVE cock...
Yeah...we all know. it's the elephant in the room at family gatherings.
that is a frighteningly accurate metaphor for it.
Ok. In one sink is a hairdrier. Still plugged in. The other is filled with broken glass. What do I do?!
Nvm. Bloody hand trumps dead. Also, where is gauze.
Atty had lunch with DA and confirmed I am not the target of the investigation. No word on anything else
Mass texted booty calls to all the guys I've hooked up with this year to commemorate the end of the semester.
Found our threesome girl. She says I'm pretty. She doesn't know I'm pregnant. Yet. Think we can pull it off?
He titled his birthday party on facebook, "BJ's in PJ's- an adult slumber party." I'm the only one invited.
I doubt she'll sponsor it. You know alcohol and fireworks don't mix, right?
It's okay. We're not going to soak the fireworks in alcohol. The alcohol is for drinking.
In the middle of having sex she stopped, said "guess what, it's clitoris awareness week" and then continued fucking me
Id like to submit an apology whenever you feel like talking.
Its not gonna be for awhile Im not a very forgiving person especially since you TOTALED MY FUCKING CAR.
Vodka, MiraLAX and Gatorade are perfect for the night before a colonoscopy
I am afraid of asking him for his new number so I continue to text the one that's no longer in service.
Randomize
