HIV tests are more positive than that guy
weddingsv make me drug and hornr
Found her in the closet eating mayo out of the jar with a knife
wanna play who's drunker? I just made macaroni & cheese taco and offered it to the pizza Guy as a tip.
Smuggling a beer bottle full of vodka out of the bar with a tampon as a plug for the top of the bottle wasn't one of my classiest ideas... but your hangover proves it was resourceful and effective. Your welcome.
I totally just stopped for a booty call on the way to my parents for easter....good friday is an understatement
Oh you know, sitting here in my bathing suit watching antiques road show and petting the cat. Just the usual
Successfully defrauded the county government. What have you done today?
I mean I could but due to my age and being a mother and all I feel it's poor judgment to give fellatio in a public establishment.
You're only young once, and once you get old, you either regret all the sex you had, or you regret not having enough.
How do you politely tell someone to get out of your house in Russian
Let's get drunk and take out your tonsils tonight
Yeah I don't think your wife thinks it's a good thing that you're fucking your cousin.
Let's say we can see the evolution of our "relation" by his name in my phone. Pizza slice emoticone. Pizza guy. Jordan. Jo. Jackhammer Pizza Guy. Jockhammer pizza guy.
Fuck your fuckin pumpkin spice. You and your subtle differences frighten and disgust me.
Randomize
