Her boobs looked like leather oven mitts. No more cougar hunting for awhile.
Drunk on an escalator. I fell like 15 flights of stairs without actually moving more than 5 feet.
shut up i haven't hooked up with anyone since 45 minutes ago
Triple a is towing cars for free tonight and tomorrow night. Can we take advantage of this ?
I will give you 100$, a blow job a day for a month and I will shave my legs according to societal standards until next November if you come recuse me from my night class right NOW.
sometimes u just have to say fuck it and help a straight sixteen year old break into her uncles gay bar.
After you tried speaking to him in whale you asked if you could see his "blow hole." That's how bad it was.
I'm not saying Tijuana was a bad idea, I'm saying that we make poor life choices. And Steve was robbed by the police.
There just aren't enough words in the English language to convey my deep and abiding love of your cock. So I am beefing up on my Portuguese.
My wife ladies and gentlemen! Love ya babe.
i tied my phone to a string attached to my bra. i am NOT losing it tonight
With a breakfast like weed and a fun size twix before a dentist appointment you can see exactly how I handle being an adult
Good thing my vagina doesn't have a chronometer on it. I'm sure my fiance would be horrified. Probably 10 miles from this past weekend alone.
The old guy next door tried to get me to go to his apartment for shots formoonshine. =-0
If that weren't so sketchy I would encourage it
Yeah it was almost as sketchy as a white panel van pulling up offering candy
do you remember your solution to not spill your drinks last night? .. Shots, that way you wouldnt have time to spill them. i love your drunken logic haha
His new girl is probably classy and boring. I bet she doesn't feed him sour patch kids while she wiggles his weiner.
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