I should have kept drinking, a coma can't be as bad as this hangover
That was the scariest sex i've ever heard....
It was the best sex i've ever had.
when i came out to my mom, it was over brunch. i was eating a banana. not exactly my smartest breakfast choice.
Yep we found him face down in my sister's bathroom begging for blowjobs without mustard
I just couldn't load the family groceries on to the same seat where I had sex 12 hours ago.
Sign out of Gchat. Right now my gchat list is entirely girls I've slept with.. and you. You are fucking up my gchat chi.
i knew it was time to leave the bar when i caught myself doing karate dance moves with a married man.
Your argument isn't valid... just because I test the waters doesn't make me gay. Makes me versatile. And who doesn't love that!
Hung over and there is no way in the world I can make this mess look good today. Only solution is to stay drunk.
The whorange rubbed off. His white shirt was so gross at the end of the night I told him to frame it.
Don't worry you weren't as drunk as you thought. You only fell 4 times.
The UTI came back with a vengeance.
she brought her phone charger to the bar this bitch is ready to drink
It's only 3 AM. There's still time to get arrested today.
Hot fire fighters installing my closet. Don't know how to go about this. Gonna nonchalantly take my shirt off and see what happens..
Randomize
