i just borrowed 5 dollars from my eight year old sister. i'm at a new low
i feel like a thai whore the morning after the navy left.
im at a loss of words.... a stripper is dancing to a Justin Bieber song.
Yeah, he said he was getting "welcome back Winnipeg Jets drunk" then puked on his jersey.
I can't believe they didnt cut us off after we all hugged each other and started singing "were the 3 best friends that anybody could have" RIGHT IN FRONT of the bar and bartender...
remind me to get a blood sugar test this week. I'm pretty sure I'm a mojito away from diabetes.
I wore water proof eyeliner just incase the first picture of me of 2012 is a mugshot
I found him down the block clinging to a light post laughing and crying because a house "looked like it had buck teeth"
Well, I washed his beard with dish soap and then I fucked him three times.
Some guy just ordered at Cosmo and 2 screwdrivers in the sky club at 8:30 am. I'm starting to feel a lot better about my alcoholism
Also, I have your check. Also, still wanna drop acid?
Smoked a blunt with my dad then introduced him to cinnabon delights. Today was a good day.
I'll be honest, I too would punch the 21 year old version of myself in the face, and then have rough sex with him.
You've opened Pandora's butthole my friend. There's no going back.
I'm like a hairless cat ready to be ravished
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