i don't know her name but she is cooking me brkfst then helpin me find my car.
she hot?
i don't wanna talk about it
You put your red cup in a chain link fence and kept telling me you could use it as a telescope
he would probably call me "ma'am" when he's inside me. people love saying weird shit inside me.
Ummm so I just found the baby pumpkin that was on my porch last night in Village Pizza this morning on their counter. The cashier said some drunk girl came in and told him it was a present.
Why is there bacon braided in my hair
well the blowjob for study guide exchange was a success.
I was giving this guy head and he stopped me to look me in the eyes and say "you have a gift"
Ok. So let me get this straight. She treats her vagina like a clown car, yet judges me for just making out with the guy that bought all of us shots?
this dude, we had a connection. he kept smiling at me. it's like he knew i was gonna facebook stalk the fuck out of him
I'm gonna buy my dress an hour before wedding. You know, just to make sure it's gonna really happen.
T'would be a shame to waste that open bar though. They shouldn't do that to us. We've been having to pretend we're happy for two people who got engaged a week after they met.
He threw up on my head while I was blowing him, and then I started barfing, and the kitchen floor was a mess. Believe me, he will never, ever live this down.
You have more time for sex than anyone I know.
We probably shouldn't have humped each other in a stairwell for an hour. that was probably my bad
It might be the most honest thing I've ever said. ...or I've had 3 vodka tonics.
Also I like oatmeal more than sex.
Randomize
