okay pat passed out under dana's car
that was the first time i tried it. why is it all sticky? its like somebody threw a glue bottle at my face.
Everything about him screamed your future.
Please stop bringing your one night stands to Sunday brunch.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well, there goes the no drunk sex injuries resolution.
Drunk texting with my high school teacher. This hurricane is bringing out the best in everyone!
TACOBELL COOL RANCH TACOS MARCH 7TH. I think realistically that will be more like valentines day for us. Bc nothing says romance like tacobell.
Would jacking off with Benadryl cream be good or bad for the poison oak on my dick?
Let's have sex in an apple orchard
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I had to reschedule my trainer meeting so now I'm just here eating hot pockets
this is gentle reminder #1 not to forget to bring the vibrator when you come
I am literally this close to screaming out my window if anyone nearby was down to fuck. I am too damn horny.
you scattered cereal all over the floor so you could "re-trace your steps and figure out what happened." 20 min later you yelled about the mess and let the dog in to clean it up. 5 min after that you screamed since the cereal was gone. you suspected me and locked me in the bathroom so i could "think about what i'd done"
and you bit everyone who tried to let me out. no more tequila for you. EVER.
Umm I might be late. Also I am may or may not have mayonnaise on my ass
Some nights you do cocaine till 5:00 in the morning, and the next night you teach yourself how to crochet. It’s called balance.
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