my roommate and her friend got reaallllly high last night and it looks like they played scrabble. one of their words is "nippal"
You kept buying everyone Washington apple shots, and telling us we needed to support local produce.
i wiped a booger on my final. end of semester present.
it's like, God thought about making her pretty then changed his mind at the last second
He'd bedazzaled his ass. Im not even that gay...
Leaving ole miss girls house to go to the stripper girls house. Why did it take losing my job to start getting laid all the damn time?
you started putting condoms on anything with a point, then you were yelling at the lamp for using your last condom...
2 things. 1. I just gave her a 6 hour long marathon fucking for America. 2. Thought of a new invention halfway through, and it's flawless.
The fact that he said "there's nothing wrong with being a raging drunk, just ask my mother." has me thinking that I have no positive role-models among my friends.
When I said to give it to me hard and fast, I didn't mean like 15 seconds fast.
While randomly hooking up with my neighbor last night he says "it's okay we're neighbors".
BRING KITTENS I AM A GENIUS
What drinking game we play yesterday? Fight club or something?
I'm having leftover pizza for breakfast. I'm clearly not the greatest at this adult thing.
I CAN'T FALL IN LOVE WITH SOMEONE WHO HAS A LISP. I JUST CAN'T.
Randomize
