I see lights
Your drunk and in times square. Time to take the 2 train home.
mom and grandma are in town. grandma wants to get drunk with you
just watched her puke in her purse and put it back on the bar. then half hour later put her hand in her bag to get a pen to give me her number. I bet she is game for anything
Now I have to picture Dave Letterman having sex with all these women. Im the real victim.
I just deleted all the drug dealers from my phone, I guess this is growing up
The door to door salesmen do not expect you to be drunk at 3 in the afternoon
I tried to fuck this guy who I'm pretty sure has an erectile dysfunction
So puking trix and chicken wings is horrible but atleast we got free drinks for taking the trash out at the bar we are really movin up in the world
Just fucking put out. It'll be a good lay, promise. Stop being a prude. Damn it. A boy is trying to put his penis in you. APPRECIATE IT.
Dude that girl I hooked up with Tuesday is in lecture. I told her I was from the Dominican visiting my cousin and was leaving the next day. Hiding under my hood and hangover.
Nothing screams fatass like a pizza that doesn't fit in your car
He has blue eyes of sex and i am powerless against them
Doesn't tell me where my computer chair went but good to know
After the apocalypse all we'll have is vodka and twinkles.
I just realized I have a habit of pre gaming for therapy visits. Problem?
We'll discuss it when you get here
If you have been drunk at one point during the day and are going to bed sober that same day, something is very wrong.
Randomize
