Did we have sex last night?
I think that was the general idea until I got you undressed and you puked on me.
she wanted to watch hairspray while we fucked. she's obviously your kinda girl, dude.
Tonight will bring shame to my future grandchildren.
Aw lol. Sounds like my masturbation injury last year
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He Facebook stalked his way right into my pants.
He's dressed as a power ranger handing out cocaine
I need moral support for this bender
how is telling me how long you drunkenly fucked someone supposed to make me miss you?
Can I come over? I respect you, but I want disrespectful things to happen
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just spent a solid 3 minutes trying to figure out how to send a smell through my phone
so apparently last weekend we taught the mascot how to shotgun beers. am i winning college yet?
Mmm. Champagne. Weed. 17 pounds of animal crackers.
I had a dream that I got you so wet that you flooded my apartment
I was gonna respond but i couldnt figure out a way to rearrange 'fuck his brains out' to sound grammatically correct
She used to be cute, back when we were young.
Oh well, so were platform jellies. Shit changes.
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