Just FYI I rubbed poison oak on all your sheets and blankets so we all will know who you hooked up with (in about a day)
"romantic friends" sounds more classy then friends with benfits
a stripper queefed in my friends mouth last night and it reminded me of you. miss you
I don't want to eat him, he probably tastes terrible.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I am intoxicated and cannot bring you a burrito. However, if you want to bring ME one...
Just took 4 secret shots in his bathroom to not remember him naked.
Dude. I only took a 20 out the ATM last night. How do I have 83 ones?
You stole from the strippers again. I wish I was ninja like you
The only flat surface we had was a cheez it box so we snorted the blow off of that. Rock bottom really isn't that bad.
How do I cancel buying spotify premium for two homeless people?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
when I type Christina's, my phone's predictive text assumes my next word is boobage
Thanks for reminding me of all the hookups my brain has been trying to suppress...
That's what friends are foooooooor!
That's when I realized I was probably naked in the wrong bed
Is it bad when I wake up sore & don't know if my injuries are from sex or the mechanical bull at the bar?
Throwing up while listening to NPR because I’m trying to adult through this hangover
What are you gunna do with your life today
put it back together
Randomize