My favorite part of our friendship is your tits.
i love how you can even make your typing come across bitchy
So my Christmas cards this year will be my mug shot with my kids face photo shopped next to me....too ghetto?
Sometimes I stick my finger in my own ass and pretend it’s a vagina. I think it’s kinda weird. What do you think?
There is only so much cookie dough and masturbating I can handle in one night.
I had to sleep with my math professor to pass algebra. Apparently my blowjobs are only C+ quality
I had a dream that I got a gift certificate to a lavish spa from my father. I think dream dad, along with real dad, think I'm gay.
my six pack is really starting to show since I started fucking everything that moves
I feel like this is going to result in some sort of tearing in my vagina.
Thats a chance were just gonna have to take
Scratch one off the douchebag bucket list. Just saw a guy in a sesame street tshirt and a tap out hat. Didn't get the memo that big bird's trying to get into mma.
I know. It was just so disappointing. I almost made it. And now the "when's the last time you peed your pants" clock has restarted. Lol
I'm worried about your health. And your boobs. Actually, health, then boobs. Health first, boobs second. And third.
Please can we have sex in this office for old times sake
Panties = found
u ever get horny for food. i ordered a bunch of crepes and its doin it 4 me
Randomize
