Let's get naked and see who's stronger.
good call on bringing her. it's always good to invite chicks who mix booze and prescription drugs.
Did we have sex last night?
I think that was the general idea until I got you undressed and you puked on me.
I wouldn't really call it 'getting lucky' considering I paid her to do it.
i crashed through a building. if that counts then yes, i went out with a bang.
Dude. All those hangovers I never had came back with a vengeance. I just opened the door of this car to barf. The car was not motionless. We are on the autobahn.
its like i had a thought but i dont know what the words are for it
You popped the Plan B pill then clapped twice, said "mischief managed" and headed tward the bar.
I'll bring your "congrats on finally banging" cookies tomorrow, I'm exhausted.
and yet oddly the jello shots tasted better coming up than going down
i woke up to a text from someone I put in my phone last night as "Giant Penis"
what did G.P. say?
oddly enough it was a dick pic
I had to give myself a suppository. That was the LEAST fun I've had inserting things in my ass.
I need a pedicure
You need to go to planned parenthood
We were having sex but then he spanked me and i punched him but it was just a reflex i swear
Plus you need some new dick in your life, the environment is fucked enough you don’t have to recycle anymore 😂💀
Randomize
