And surprisingly enough iPhone does not have an app for Russian mail order brides.
I drunkenly sent a picture of my scrotum to the entire baseball team last night
I am literally too baked to press the call button. How am I supposed to bone him?
Dude with the Beatles haircut just got his pilots license and wants to take us up to do a case race mid flight. Don't tell me networking is unnecessary.
And then I passed out in my towel and was woken up by my roommate introducing me to her trick for the night.
tequilla shots with my grandparents? christmas visiting just got so much better
Ohhh,that's true. Babies are only fun when you're high. Otherwise, they're the worst kind of people.
How am I supposed to be friends with him when there's an exact replica of his dick in my underwear drawer?
How can other people our age be acting like adults when I'm still taking my birth control pill with left over gin and tonic from the night before?
Cleaned the whole house at 7:30 and after cleaning the bathroom I think I had cocaine on my sweatpants
He's got the most well kempt beard I've ever seen and I need it between my thighs is basically what I'm saying
Lord give me the strength to not check my tinder messages at my grandmother's wake.
It figures that the only time one of my videos on Snapchat gets replayed is a video of my Hedonism Bot impression and NOT my nudes
I'm currently using a band-aid to cover my bar stamp from last night while I ask my professor for an extension. That's a sign of getting more responsible, right?
We have such a parasitic relationship. But the kind where the parasite benefits from the relationship. Like the pilot fish and a shark. The fish gets the leftover food scraps from the shark and the shark gets a free bath from it.
that's so insightful.
Randomize
