Wow that girl who lives a couple houses down is going out wearing butterfly wings a skirt and fishnets
i feel like a thai whore the morning after the navy left.
you turned your livingroom into a bong?
I accidentally asked my mom for a blowjob because 'mom' and 'molly' are next to each other in my address book.
I'm drinking early times at a fridays on wednesday night. This entire bar is going to see my dick by last call.
My wife googled 'purchase vibrator.' Not sure if I should be excited or offended.
We went into lab today and when no one was looking i touched our cadaver's penis!
well isn't that the pot calling the kettle a make out whore
There is a guy, stoned out of his mind, only wearing slippers and a bathrobe in the library.
Are we hungover?
I got a lapdance from a gay guy in red uggs and spandex shorts with reindeer antlers on. And I don't remember it. Hungover does not even cover it.
You are my best friend, but sometimes best friends need to punch each other in the face
Did we pole dance in front of my boss last night or was it just me?
Please don't finger me like a jackhammer. I'm a woman not a construction site.
So you're not gonna be in town tonight?! Your dick was the light at the end of my academic tunnel!
You made noises. And kept meowing. I have a twenty minute phone call to prove it.
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