she was sobbing drunk in the backseat about her dead cat and how the guy in the front seat didn't want to hook up with her
If I don't wake up hungover in a ditch Monday morning I will consider my halloween a failure
Definitely sounds like it's time for some eggs with a side of strap on
Bloody Mary Monday just took a turn for the worst... Just had a heart to heart talk with the cat about it's obsession with chewing on cardboard.... Time for a nap.
we were sitting in the kitchen and you kept biting my shoulder saying "itll all be over soon"
There is nothing quite so awkward as watching topless bullriding with your mother next to you..
I don't think I'm allowed to have Burger King. What if i just chew for taste and not actually consume. Like a wine connoisseur for fast food
Haha! You know I mean that in a positive way. Like, "let them eat cake!" Or in our case, "let them achieve obesity from the two entree plate at Panda Express!"
He sent me nudes and then a text asking if I tried the new Cantina Bowl from Taco Bell. He sure does romance right, doesn't he?
If he can't cook well I'm just gonna buy a RealDoll and twenty cats and live my own fucking life
That's what you get for doing kinky shit with a guy that lives in his moms basement.
Bitch how dare you drink my dos equis
I know I'm drunk but why am I receiving this handjob through the pant leg of my shorts..?
admittedly, geting that drunk in front of my last two exes wasnt a good idea
probably didn't help that you cheated on them with each other either
Fine I’ll come with you but you better tell that guy to wear some longer shorts because the second I see a rogue nut I’m gone
Randomize
