that speech was about as successful as her performance in twilight
I just saw a homeless man dressed as a pirate. I love san francisco.
So I just used shazaam to figure out a pairs figure skating song. I don't think I could get any gayer.
when she asked where we met, i said the liquor store. the next words out of moms mouth? 'oh that's real promising molly'
first party of the semester tomorrow. thinking of wearing a huge sign that says "my summer was good" to avoid the 67 questions and get straight to drinking
I just handed the barista at Starbucks a panty liner instead of my card....maybe I should upgrade this Tall to a Venti...
Even her dad came up for the body shots. Wasn't sure what to do so I just laid there and let it happen...
i think he spiked my sandwich with a viagra
okay - we take $20 and buy each other some 'drink till we puke' clothes from the thrift store.
So I ate half a jar of mayo because I thought it would cure a hangover. I thought wrong.
3 cups of coffee and some molly. The "Tay's Day Off Diet"
And for some reason every time I get drunk I just want to tell you that I have a mini secret personal fan club of your dick
You took the receipt and ate it. You then took it out and gave it to the waitress with slobber and holes all over it.
Never joke about your clitoris.
Hey, sorry I choked you last night... I was just really excited to see you.
Randomize
