and that's when the elephants and penises started dancing on the ceiling
First order of business is dropping my 9 am gym class. I'm sweating pure vodka.
Ya know, I lied. I wouldn't mess with him. Not because of the crazy/rehab issues... but because he wears tank-tops.
Don't make me out to be the bad guy. You practically MADE me cum on your food.
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I had the spins so badly it was like I was having sex with 2 girls
I am trying to think of a way to make alcohol cupcakes
I don't think i can handle my uncle say again that kid rock is a true musician....
We eventually had to ration the melon vodka. 10 pushups per shot. THATS why my arms hurt
she was rubbing her elbow against the fish tank and laughing hysterically then she said I'M THEIR FISHY GOD and watched harry potter
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm still not a hundred percent.. I haven't shit anything solid in two days.. I have pulled my puker muscles and I can't take deep breaths cuz of other unidentified muscles/maybe heart attack
today is just not my day... it could be raining penises and I would get hit in the face by a vag
Bro that's the last time I try to stick my penis in a bowl of jello. I can't believe your sister ate that, did she not see my dick mold
I got really upset about missing him last night when I was demonstrating penis sizes of the people I've slept with using a tape measurer to my roommates
some how during sex we caught an ENTIRE pillow on fire. A WHOLE PILLOW.
New goal find someone I love enough to use these Japanese pancake flavored condoms on
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