we ended up doing shots out of those medicine cups..swine flu finally did something good for me
you went to subway and got pissed when they refused to deep fry your sub
i think at one point throughout the night i began eating birthday cake with a q-tip.
stayed up until 6am doing my presentation on buddhist art and the practice of chanting. took shots. did drugs. the powerpoint now includes a sesame street style game (with chicken/puppy clip art), an xzibit music video (and quotes about section eight and eating steaks), and a reference to a german metal band (universe). this is going to be the best presentation ever
my brother came home with a bottle of vodka and his pants off. were gonna spend more quality time together.
Needless to say they were not happy to find out that we braided their hair together, when one of them woke up needing to puke bad
The woman in the hospital bed next to me just got diagnosed with flea bites on her vag.
Whaaaaaat? No way.
Now a discussion of pigs vs. dog as carrier.
My life is over. I farted in open court. Noticeably. The judge looked at me. It echoed.
I was living a snoop dogg song I fucked her on the floor so I wouldn't mess up my bed
You don't know how much I love you. You could play Careless Whisper while we have sex and I'd still love you
So I can confidently say that I'm the only 3rd year engineering student who completed all 4 of their exams with One Direction pens
I'd do them all but honestly I'm so high that I probably should have a chaperone.
The man sent me a video of him doing the helicopter, the least I can do is go visit him in the hospital
He radiates elegant sexual dominance. I bet even his balls have pinstripes.
I'm drunkenly throwing popcorn at a spider, fuck him. Why does his scary 8 legs get to be happy?
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