I think my hot accountant is wearing banana republic. I miss the days when that ='ed gay. Signals are so confusing now.
This girls a $30 bar tab from being bi
i was so drunk i stopped mid-blowjob to make sure he i was with my boyfriend and not some random. twice.
At the bar dressed as a taco. not a typo. Come down.
Let's just say a refrigerator got involved and after that I had to send him home.
i think smoking weed in a ladies bathroom on the beach with two dudes might be the shadiest thing ive done in a while
PLEASE DON'T BE HEARTLESS COME AND GET ME FROM THE BAR I'M HIGH AS SHIT AND I LOST MY SHOES
Hahahahaha. That's what your stoned ass gets for eating half a bag of processed cheese at 2am.
Also I'd apologize for texting you flipping my shit about the science of hair growth while I was shrooming last night but we know each other better than that
dude new orleans is fucking wild these two guys just performed dueling banjos except they were actually fighting with the banjos
You just kept mumbling about the carpet being covered in stains that looked like the face of God. Until you decided that they were closer in relation to Dumbledore.
my penis made a compromise with my morals
We free pour in this house. Measuring alcohol is for the weak
Just went to Meijer. Purchased furnace filters, fishing line, red lipstick and pregnancy test. And if my purchase alone wasn't classy enough, I took the pregnancy test in the Meijer bathroom because Im on my way to the bar and wanted to know if that was a good idea or not. Cheers to no babies!
I'm drunk and don't know where I am. There's a giant metal penguin if that helps.
Randomize
